Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Illustrated Addict's Guide to Infinite Jest - Part I

or: A guide to managing your internal weathers chemically.

Note: I'm excluding Schedule I drugs such as marijuana, heroin, cocaine, X, and crystal meth. Those probably deserve — and will probably get — independent guides all to themselves.


Cylert (Pemoline) Abbott Laboratories.
Usage: Treats ADHD.
Most interesting side effects
: Depression, hallucinations, hepatitis and other liver problems, increased irritability, involuntary, fragmented movements of the face, eyes, lips, tongue, arms, and legs, suppressed growth, uncontrolled vocal outbursts such as grunts, shouts, and obscene language.
Notes: No longer available in the U.S. due to association w/ life threatening hepatic failure (but probably still available at IJ’s time of writing). Although, Abbott maintains that falling sales were the reason for discontinuation.
Schedule IV

Tenuate (diethylpropion hydrochloride) Multiple distributors. Structural analogue of Wellbutrin.
Usage: Prescription weight-loss. Anorectic CNS rattler.
Most interesting side effects: breast development in males, bruising, changes in sex drive, tremors, unpleasant taste, feelings of discomfort, feelings of elation, feeling of illness, hair loss.
: Habit forming. Favorite of Michael Pemulis and Jim Troeltsch.
Schedule IV

Fastin (phentermine hydrochloride) GSK Pharm
Usage: Appetite suppression. Weight loss.
Most interesting side effects: periods of mania followed by period of depression, feeling like you might pass out, unusual thoughts or behavior, feeling restless or confused, dangerously high blood pressure.
Notes: Don't be fooled by the crunchy herbal version.
Schedule IV

Preludin (Phenmetrazine) a.k.a Sweeties. Discontinued.
Usage: appetite suppressant, stimulates satiety center in hypothalamic and limbic regions.
Most interesting side effects: psychosis similar to that of amphetamine with long term use.
Notes: Favored by Bridget Boone, Swedes, Germans, and The Beatles. Eric Clapton wrote a song called 'Preludin Fugue'. High potential for abuse and creative songwriting.
Schedule II

Ritalin (methylphenidate) a.k.a. Vitamin R, R-Ball, Smart Drug. Novartis, previously CIBA pharmaceutical.
Usage: Treatment of ADHD, narcolepsy, methamphetamine addiction, developmental disorders, cramming for finals.
Most interesting side effects: hearing voices, visual hallucinations, urges to harm oneself, severe anxiety, euphoria, grandiosity, paranoid delusions, confusion.
Notes: High potential for abuse similar to cocaine.
Schedule III

Seldane (Terfenadine) a.k.a. the tactical nuclear weapon of nondrowsy antihistamines and mucoidal desiccators. Aventis Pharm
Usage: allergic conditions, antihistamine, mucoidal desiccator.
Most interesting side effects: ventricular tachycardia, torsades de pointes.
Notes: Toxicity is possible when mixed with grapefruit. Favored by Jim Troeltsch. Would have helped Guillaume DuPlessis more than the codeineless NyQuil.
Banned by FDA.

Look for Part II covering tranqs sometime in the future. Oral narcotics and antidepressants also coming later.
Also, I am constraining this to the Infinite Summer Spoiler Line, so this section may expand later.


Ray Gunn said...

Just wanted to drop in as a fellow Infinite Summerer to say I like what you're doing with the project!


William.K.H said...

Thanks, Ray. I'm already feeling the stress of keeping up with it, although it does feel good to be writing again.